Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Career Options Pt. 2

So in my continued quest for eventual gainful employment, I've been exploring my career options, including a few that I mentioned in my last post. Here are some more jobs I've been considering. Feel free to add any input or insight that might be helpful in my search.

5. Outlaw/Renegade- this seems like a pretty sweet gig. Riding around on a motorcycle, blasting across the alkali flats, eating at truck stops and drinking at sleazy dive bars, wearing brass knuckles, and just generally being a hard-ass. Unfortunately it appears that this job doesn't pay that well, although since it's technically self-employment, you don't have to worry about getting hired in this tough economy.
  • Pros- lawlessness, flowing locks, flexible scheduling, skull-cracking, curb-stomping, having a theme song
  • Cons- lack of regular hygiene, comparisons to Lorenzo Lamas, dealing with 4-wheeled drivers, Johnny Law

6. Celebutante/Socialite- along the same lines as the renegade, there seems to be a burgeoning market for jobs that don't actually have any work product or responsibilities. Although I wasn't born into a famous or extraordinarily wealthy family, I think I could pull off shopping, eating in nice restaurants, and carrying around various dogs for a living. Especially if they'll let me do my celebutante shopping at Cabela's. However, I might run into trouble being seen as legitimate, since I know nothing about fashion, celebrity gossip, and the only non-political celebrity I've ever met was Jimmy Houston. I think I'll keep this one near the bottom of the roster but its' not out entirely just yet.
  • Pros- flexible schedule, work from home, self-supervision, fame, money
  • Cons- paparazzi, no health plan, am a dude

She got paid more for this picture than I've earned in my entire life.

7. Ultimate Fighting Champion- While I'm not sure repeated kicks to the face is something my guidance counselor ever suggested (I wasn't paying attention too closely or I wouldn't be in this position), it's certainly crossed my mind, particularly on days when being repeatedly pummeled seems preferable to the mental pummeling that is law school. I'm not quite in fighting shape yet, but I imagine I could get there within 6 months or so. Although it might take me longer to train for the cage, I imagine I could be pretty decent at it. I mean, how much mental capacity does it really take to beat people to a pulp for a living? (Attention UFC Fighters: please don't kill me for this post). Time to buy a speed bag and some steroids.
  • Pros- awesome job title, watercooler conversations involve phrases like "spleen" and "ruptured," uniform only consists of shorts, work days last as many rounds as you want them to
  • Cons- weak haunches, brain damage, UFC fans, brain damage, preference for having teeth

This is a strangely accurate representation of PC. One of those guys is the PC professor.

Time to send out some resumes.

1 comment:

Jesse Davis said...

I also vote renegade. A) I love that show. Totally badass. B) No law can hold you--I know this for a fact. C) You can take bounty hunter/enforcer/coke mule jobs on the side to fund your, um, activities.