Saturday, December 12, 2009

'Tis the season to be terrified..

America is the greatest country on the planet. We are a veritable melting pot of people, taking the best and coolest traditions from around the world and assembling them into a badass Voltron of culture (see generally, e.g., IHOP, Arnold Schwartzenegger, St. Patrick's Day, Mario Bros., Epcot Center, Chinese buffets, et al.).  Recently, however, I've become a little disappointed with the way we're shaping up. Americans as a whole seem to have an unwarranted sense of entitlement, and this is especially evident at Christmastime, where our awesome culture descends into a messy jumble of consumerism and self-indulgence, couched in the "spirit of giving." Fortunately, I've become aware of a European tradition that could hold the answer to our country's dilemma of desire, and that is the Krampus. According to Wikipedia, Krampus is described as follows:

Krampus is a mythical creature who accompanies Saint Nicholas in various regions of the world during the Christmas season. . . . While Saint Nicholas gives gifts to good children, the Krampus warns and punishes bad children. Traditionally, young men dress up as the Krampus in the first two weeks of December . . . and roam the streets frightening children and women with rusty chains and bells.


I think this could really catch on in America.  I've always been of the opinion that sticks ultimately work better than carrots, and I think American children are on a dangerous path of being spoiled even more than my generation was (and believe me, we were spoiled). Imagine the terror a young child would feel if you told them that Krampus would eat them if they didn't behave. Forget getting a new Wii; I guarantee you your kids will behave if you convince them that this horrible monstrosity will descend upon them if they are naughty. The next generation has very few things to fear, other than abstract concepts like Al-Qaeda and juvenile diabetes, so I think that now would be a good time to bring back some good old-fashioned terror into the Christmas season. Let's all remember the reason for the season: acting good out of fear that a Germanic demon from Hell will devour you in your sleep. God bless us, every one.




1 comment:

Jesse Davis said...

The Davis household is on board with this. Our future children shall tremble under the withering judgment of Krampus. Or, if they're good, will get a dolly or train set. We'll just see how things go, but based on how I was as a kid I'm betting on Krampus.