Tuesday, May 4, 2010

How to Solve the Sex Abuse Problem in the Catholic Church

So the Catholic Church has got a little bit of a problem on its hands. No pun intended. I think we can all agree that the Church has done a piss-poor job of, among other things, controlling the fallout from these sex abuse scandals, which seem to be much more prevalent than most had previously thought. The Pope himself is now a target of investigation, as some claim that he participated in the cover-up of the abuse that was going on in his organization back before he was the Pope.
Something something Dark Side something something complete.

Fear not, loyal readers: I have the solution. The Catholic Church can drastically improve its image, not to mention actually do something about the problem, by doing one simple thing: The Pope himself needs to issue an edict to all Catholic Church officials with one simple rule- no adult is allowed to be alone with any child, ever, and violation of this rule is a terminable offense. This is already the policy at tons of children's organizations and other youth-oriented groups (like the Boy Scouts), and would serve two very important purposes: first, it would eliminate the opportunity for untoward activities to occur, by removing the opportunity for adults to be alone with children, which is when it happens. Second, it would create a strong church policy that the Vatican could then stand behind- if someone did get abused after that, it would be easy for the Church to say "well, s/he wasn't following our Church policy, so we have no choice but to remove them." One of the harshest (and most accurate) criticisms of the Church has been their choice to deal with these scandals internally, rather than separate themselves from the violators. So, with the enactment of one simple policy, which is not counter to anything in the Catholic theology and won't harm anyone, the Church is able to cover its own ass for any future scandals and hopefully to drastically reduce or eliminate the need for such coverups.

Man, I have some good ideas. Someone should make me Pope.


Mark Osler said...

Wouldn't that make the sacrament of confession impossible?

Justin T. said...

In confession, there is a wall dividing the priest and the parishoner (if not, this would become a requirement), so it would be ok.

Micah said...

What would your papal name be?

Justin T. said...

Pope Darth Paul the Violator.

tony said...

Celibacy should include castration. This will prevent future sexual urges which leads to sexual abuse. It is simply 100% evil to engage in clerical celibacy without castration. Otherwise, the priests should marry like normal church leaders outside of the evil roman empire.

tony said...

great article on the eunuchs: