Friday, December 17, 2010

Reality TV of the Future

Reality television is something I've had to learn to accept. My first real exposure to reality tv was when Survivor first came out back at the beginning of the decade, I wasn't sure what to think. For the next few years, everyone dismissed reality tv as a passing fad. But more and more shows kept cropping up, and soon it became apparent that for better or for worse, reality tv was here to stay. Today, as many as 30% of tv shows are "reality" shows, ranging from shows about Meter Maids to whatever the hell the Kardashians are. Reality tv is now as American as apple pie and watching baseball. So rather than continue to try to fight the idea, I've decided to embrace it. With that, I've decided to pitch a few ideas for some reality series, and not to toot my own horn, but I think you'll be seeing a few of these shows on tv in the near future.

Beef Jerkers
They've got a  dry sense of humor.

If you thought watching paint dry was fun, then watching beef dry will leave you on the edge of your seat! Follow these migrant factory workers as they explore the volatile world of industrial dehydration, with double entendres galore. They'll face salt shortages, FDA inspectors, angry shift supervisors, and their own hungry bellies. From slaughterhouse to fatty mouths, you'll salivate as these guys jerk some beef, reality tv style!

Airs: Saturdays at 9/8c on TLC.

The Real Housewives of Slovakia

Potatoes are like the Louis Vuitton of Slovakia.

New York City, Atlanta, Washington D.C., New Jersey, Orange County, Beverly Hills: these are the places you think of when you think of housewives. Well get ready to add another place to the list- Slovakia! Follow along each week as Bohumila, Hedviga, Nadezda, Olga, and Zdislava hit the streets of Trnava, where they dine, shop, and dish dish dish! Topics include Hedviga's constant hairstyle changes, Olga's porcelain cat collection, 1980s music, potatoes, and controversial Slovakian fashion magazine "Speváčky spievajú." Can you believe what Bohumila is wearing this week? Tune in for more!

Airs: Wednesdays 10/9c on Bravo.

Narwhal Hunters

Narwhals live forever unless their head is cut off.
There can be only one.
There is scarcely a better formula for successful entertainment than man vs. nature. On the new hit series Narwhal Hunters, this formula is put to the test, pitting man against (possibly mythical) beast. While it's true that no one has ever actually seen a narwhal, science and the media have led us to believe that if there's any animal that needs to be hunted down, it's this waterous monstrosity. Half whale, half unicorn, all asshole, watch each week as these brave men battle the elements, hippies in Greenpeace boats, and international maritime laws in order to hunt down a freak of nature that might not even exist.

Airs: Tuesdays at 9/8c on The Outdoor Channel.

The REAL Dave Coulier

You think you know Dave Coulier, but you have NO IDEA! Watch as a reality camera crew documents the life of everyone's favorite VH1 Surreal Life house member and former America's Funniest People host. From going to auditions to going to the post office to going to the bathroom, you'll get a first-hand look at how Uncle Joey spends his days. Special guest stars include Dave Coulier's mom, John Stamos' publicist, and a process server. Watch Coulier's amazing impersonation skills as he avoids his creditors on the phone! If you've ever wanted to know the true story behind Dave Coulier, now you have the chance- the REAL Dave Coulier.

Airs: Mondays at 3 a.m./2c on E! 


Jojorules1111 said...


Justin T. said...

Well, you make a pretty solid point.