Thursday, August 23, 2012

Welcome to the family!

Earlier this summer Kim and I decided to adopt another cat in order to provide a feline companion for our other cat, Link. We decided on a ~5 year old female rescue who looks more or less exactly like the other cat we have, only smaller. It's crazy how much they look alike considering they were born almost 5,000 miles apart. Meet Lucille Austero, the newest member of American Hero Squad (that is what I call our collective pets). As you can see, she is fitting right in.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

How people find my blog

One of the fun things about having a blog is seeing where the traffic is coming from. Occasionally I'll check my stats and see what kind of search queries people ran when they clicked on a link to my blog. Some of them make perfect sense, like "life in anchorage" or "waco zombie map," but others.... well, they puzzle me. I've compiled a few of the search terms I've seen in my stats over the years, so I'll attempt to answer the query and help the person find what they're looking for. Here's what people are searching to get to my blog:

"sylvester stallone shirtless"

I don't know whether to feel ashamed or honored that someone searched for that and ended up on my blog. To be fair, Stallone's got a pretty rockin' body, both when he was young and even now at 65. If you look like this, it's ok to be shirtless most of the time. Fortunately I do.

"code of chivalry"

Thanks to the power of the internet, kids will be living by my time-honored life principles for years to come. And thanks to the same power of the internet, I will probably have some awkward conversations with future potential employers if they ever google me before a job interview.

Talk about getting it wrong...

"newborn polar bear"

I'm not quite sure why searching for a newborn polar bear would bring anyone to my blog, but I hope someone found what they were looking for....a fuzzy, cuddly death machine.
Easily mistaken for a schnauzer. Deadliest mistake ever.

"20 gauge princess diana version gun"

Perhaps it's better that I not know how this query landed a reader on my blog. But here at Uphill Both Ways in the Snow, I try not to judge, and I aim to please. I hope this satisfies whatever curiosity spawned this particular query (and god I hope it's not sexual):

I like to think she's hanging out with Dale Earnhardt and the guy who played Boss Hogg on Dukes of Hazzard.

"bible covered bridge"

Everyone knows what a legendary Bible scholar I am, but I don't know much about covered bridges. However, a little research tells me that the Bible Covered Bridge is located in Greeneville, Tennessee. The Bible family originally erected the bridge on their own private property in 1923, and in 1940 it was seized by the government in an eminent domain action in order to make the bridge accessible to the public. Today it is a historic landmark and is photographed by every local teenager who thinks they're a photographer just because they have Instagram and an SLR.  The more you know!

Sometimes dicking around mindlessly on the internet can lead to learning! 
"dragon wing anatomy"

Either evil wizards or naturopaths have been scouring the internet for information about the dragons they work with, and landed here in Random Inane Nonsense Town, Mayor: me. Unfortunately, someone looking for dragon wing anatomy among these pages is going to be sorely disappointed, as most of my postgraduate research focuses on the dragon digestive system. (Fun fact: did you know dragons can also shit fire in addition to breathing it?) Nevertheless, here's a crude sketch I did to help illustrate the basics of dragon wing anatomy.
This is just the basics that I remember from grad school. 

"a goddamn triceratops"

I can't tell you how proud it makes me as a writer to know that someone searched the internet looking for "a goddamn triceratops" and ended up at my blog. It's the little victories like this that make the entire effort worth doing.
As you can see from this Creation Studies textbook illustration, triceratops did not take any shit from anyone.

Hopefully people will keep searching for weird shit and it will keep bringing them here, where I can mock them for your entertainment.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Backyard Paradise

For the first time since moving out of my parents' house, I finally have a backyard attached to my home again. Besides working on sweet karate moves and exercising the dogs, it's become a relaxing practice field where I enjoy one of my favorite hobbies, disc golf. I recently purchased a portable disc golf basket to practice putting and approach in the backyard. This has been far and away the best purchase I've made in years. From the back deck, I can practice putting at distances from 3-10 yards, and from the side of the house I can practice shots up to about 90 feet. The shed in the corner of the yard adds a bonus obstacle, so I can practice throwing around a corner or bouncing a disc off a wall if necessary. Or maybe that's just what I say to justify how often I accidentally hit it.  The other nice thing about the portable target is that most of the State of Alaska is publicly-accessible land. Which means that with a portable target, the entire Alaskan wilderness just became my own personal custom disc golf course. Awwww. Yeah. 

If anyone in the Anchorage area wants to get together for a game, let me know.

Innova Disc Golf Traveler.  Folds up like a camp chair. Only 15 lbs. and worth every penny. 
In hindsight I probably shouldn't have referred to it as "bangin chains" on my resume.
0 out of 9! In North Korea I could be executed for such poor performance.
Long putting practice at 10 pm. Don't worry, it only looks like it's going to go in.
That one actually did go in. Too bad it was Kim who threw it. Damnation!