|Stallone at 25 and 64. Say what you will about his acting, the man is doing something right.|
2. Jane Goodall
|President Goodall caucuses with John Boehner.|
3. A Narwhal
|Still can't believe people think this is actually a real animal.|
4. Mr. Clean
|Take THAT, Obamacare!|
The GOP has been rife with sexual scandals in the last few years, from Mark Foley to Larry Craig to David Letterman, so it's important that the GOP nominee be clean. To that end, there's no better candidate than hygiene enthusiast and celebrity spokesmodel Mr. Clean. His shiny, freshly-scrubbed exterior lets you know that he's clean inside and out, and has no secrets to hide. His earring helps him connect with the youth vote, who has been distancing themselves from the Republican Party for some time. And he's sure to win the housewife vote, both on trustworthiness and on rugged good looks.
5. Sanjay Gupta, M.D.
|Goddamn that is one good-looking neurosurgeon.|
6. Tim Tebow
|President Tebow's face is a secure place to encrypt national secrets.|
|An artist's rendition of President John McCain|
8. Buzz Aldrin, D.Sc.
|Anyone who can remove that flag can automatically be President. It's like the Sword in the Stone for America.|
9. Hulk Hogan
|Train, say your prayers, eat your vitamins, be true to yourself and true to your country!|